Anticipation

You know those quiz thingies that go around once in awhile where you have to answer all these questions and send your answers to 10 people plus the person who sent it to you? The ones where the object is to get to know strange little tidbits about people? Well, one of the questions is often:

"What is the best feeling in the world?"

And I never think of it at the time but this week I'd have to rank anticipation pretty high up there. The giddy kind. I guess maybe I don't think of it because you can also sort of anticipate things that are not so good. But this week, giddy anticipation is the only kind of anticipation there is . And it is a fine feeling indeed!

This one's for Jess

Because she likes seeing something new here. Because she lets me obsess in three directions at once. Because we have been through some proverbial fires and come out the other side unscathed, intact and stronger than before. Because she is a spitfire. Because once we stood in the spot and listened to him play his music and because since then we have listened to so much more - standing, sitting, dancing and driving (I hope the music never ends). Because we can spend hours in the car and still think the Ponoka Polka is the funniest thing. (I tried to figure out how to make the "vroom" thing but it doesn't translate to blog). Because we've shared evenings of wine, beer and absinthe combined with movies (both great and truly bad), playground visits and many laughs. Because I know how much all this unfinished sentence business is going to irk her. Because we would both be pirates.

For all these things I am grateful she's Jess.

February Holiday - cure for winter blahs

I think there should be some sort of long weekend or really big celebratory something in February. Everyone I know seems to be under some sort of cloud: Bored, sick (nothing big - just "under the weather"), unmotivated... truly blah-winter-blahs. It seems to be affecting, to some degree or other, almost everybody I know. (and a quick perusal of blogs of folks I don't actually know confirms that this is widespread indeed) There needs to be a cure. And not everyone can go to the Caribbean.

I don't actually know what that cure should be, but I think it should involve fancy drinks with umbrellas in some way. And dancing, perhaps to Latin music. We need something to shake things up.

Maybe this is the reason TV does sweeps this month? Or maybe sweeps are partially at fault?

Valentine's Day doesn't count....ooohhh don't get me started on Valentine's Day!

And do people in countries that don't have winter get the winter blahs?

I am having trouble communicating today. My moods bounce back and forth with the subjects of my thoughts. I am thinking about my abilities (or lack thereof) and where I am making good use of them and where I have left something behind, a skill, long forgotten, remembered only in dreams (although I don't think I ever knew how to fly a helicopter).

I know I am not alone, not the only one. I have even read others' stories that echo my own. Other people searching for something, a small concrete thing that leads to a large nebulous future. My search ultimately for myself. I know in my heart that the true search, that search for self, is never ending and does not hinge only on finding the practical things. But it is the practical that I am forced to seek, that I must seek now for my own peace of mind (and that of some of you).

I'm sorry you're worried but this is where I need to be, this is the path I chose and I will walk it 'til the practical meshes with and matches with the rest. It won't be much longer. I can feel it.

There's always the fridge poetry...

I want to write about him again (since there's more to write about) but a) I wanted to think of something to call him that was at the same time cool (or at least not lame) but also unrevealing...and I haven't come up with anything (I can't use his actual name - come on - it's a blog) and b) I think I'll wait 'til there's something really good to write about.