I am having trouble communicating today. My moods bounce back and forth with the subjects of my thoughts. I am thinking about my abilities (or lack thereof) and where I am making good use of them and where I have left something behind, a skill, long forgotten, remembered only in dreams (although I don't think I ever knew how to fly a helicopter).

I know I am not alone, not the only one. I have even read others' stories that echo my own. Other people searching for something, a small concrete thing that leads to a large nebulous future. My search ultimately for myself. I know in my heart that the true search, that search for self, is never ending and does not hinge only on finding the practical things. But it is the practical that I am forced to seek, that I must seek now for my own peace of mind (and that of some of you).

I'm sorry you're worried but this is where I need to be, this is the path I chose and I will walk it 'til the practical meshes with and matches with the rest. It won't be much longer. I can feel it.