new light
I made a decision tonight. A decision I've been trying to make, making, changing my mind about and making again for quite a long time.
But I made it finally.
I've been having medical tests and seeing a doctor since February because there's something wrong with me. It had gotten so bad that from the crazy mixed bag of symptoms, I thought I was either going insane, clinically depressed, dying or some combination thereof. I realized tonight that I hadn't really been as open about all this as I thought I was. I kind of thought it was obvious and that I had talked about it enough that everyone knew.... or perhaps also thought I was going crazy... who knows.
But it turns out I'm not going crazy. And I'm not dying. I do have a condition for which depression is a symptom but I'm not clinically depressed. And I can treat it. "IT" being a fairly common and treatable autoimmune condition that affects... well affects alot of things actually that I had no idea were related. Anyway - I'm not really meaning to get into my medical condition. Suffice it to say that I went into my doctor's appointment today filled with dread, pretty convinced it would be really, really bad.
But back to my decision. It's one of those things when your life flashes before your eyes I guess... I realized it was important to be happy. And that from now on, I am not going to stay in situations that make me unhappy.
And so I made a decision. Hopefully I'll stick to it.
This is one of those times again that I am writing it here mostly so I can see it, come back and read it and remember how certain I was in this moment.
