Happiness hangover - Bestkind!

I have come down from the happiness high of yesterday (though only somewhat ). Today the excited babble and ear to ear grin have been replaced by a perpetual smile of contentment (a little dreamy looking to the outside world perhaps) and an inexplicable (does it need to be explained ?) feeling of optimism. What a wonderous day it was! Full of excitement, new things, old friends, new opportunities and announcements of even more upcoming fun (and reunions). A marvel of a day. Thanks be!

Oh the excitement!!

I am experiencing a kind of thrill! (not that kind! ) I have been invited to be involved with an upcoming project of a friend of mine who I admire in amounts too huge to express. I've been a devoted supporter and general rah rah girl for the project since it was a twinkle in my friend's eye but it has come beautifully into fruition and now I will actually be working as part of the team bringing it forth.

To put it simply: Boy am I stoked!!

I feel incredibly honoured to be a part of this. It will involve crazy amounts of work (of the volunteer variety) but the payoff of seeing this come to be will be worth every ounce of effort and sweat.

I repeat: Boy am I stoked!

Expectations

"Never expect" That's what he told me once, pointing me away from my eager anticipation, my tendency to build things in my mind before they happen, as they are happening. And, in all honesty, sometimes it pays to never expect. It steers me away from disapointment.... sometimes. I see that now.

But I love that feeling. The way my heart flutters when I anticipate something grand about to happen. The way the mere thought of it can bring that secret smile to my lips, taking me away from my surroundings to that new place and time that I can see oh-so-clearly. Pirate ships and Broadway and simple airport greetings. Some may seem grand and even a teeny bit crazy but in context it all makes sense Isn't it just directed imagination?

And so I continue (sorry beloved) to expect and anticipate and imagine great and wonderful things, simple and beautiful things, even impossibly grand things. Because even with momentary disapointments, the feeling is worth it in the end. The secret smile, the giggly imaginings....

Even if sometimes things don't measure up to my expectations.

Maybe it is the season. Maybe it's the fact the she is reflecting on the subject over there. Maybe it's the fact that I just passed one of those anniversaries you wish weren't. For whatever reason my mind is filled with that feeling of togetherness, the feeling of strong arms and a shoulder to lean on. My mind is giving it a face but I'm not sure it's really him I'm thinking of ( dreaming of) because I left him behind a long time ago. Perhaps my subconcious just links him with those feelings in that dream state because that's when they were last there in that most wonderful way. He was that solid presence, always there, in all ways there.

It's that I miss. That feeling.

adrift in uncertainty

Where is my resolution? Why am I able to reflect so easily, completely and deeply on the past without resolving something for the future? My direction is not clear to me and I wonder at this, shouldn't it be obvious which way I must go? Why do I have such trouble with that direction? Should I just close my eyes and take that step? That leap?

Any step? Any step at all?