unexpected results

Ok that was weird. Not sure what I expected but it sure wasn't that. It was nice though...for a change.

music trivia

So I was watching season 7 of Buffy on DVD and in one of the scenes Dawn is listening to this song which sounded awfully familiar to me. And I realized it's familiar because it's on the Garden State Soundtrack. So one of the hip new songs off that soundtrack was actually on Buffy more than two years ago. I only bring it up so that some of you who are not Buffy-philes are aware of the musical greatness that was contained within.

letting off steam...

I'm glad I have a steam valve.

I mean, I may be a bit high strung. I may end up getting rage-y over certain things. (My boss says I rant very well. He means it as a compliment, he always seems quite amused at my rants.) I may cry (or go all blotchy) at the drop of the proverbial hat. I may be the absolute queen of overwrought emotional responses. I know I can't hide my emotions, no matter what I do, they show on my face, they literally show on my skin for crying out loud... but all these things help me to not put the cork in that bottle.

Because in order to keep things from festering, you have to open up the wound.
In order to prevent something from exploding, you have to let off a bit of the pressure.

I'm glad I do that reasonably easily.
A redhead's temper without the steam valve could be dangerous.

temporary break in signal

I’ll give it a month. One month of not thinking about it, not worrying, not obsessing. One month of being totally oblivious to that particular topic. I will, instead, concentrate on the rock ‘n’ roll, the theatre, the dancing, the parties. I will think about trying to get enough sleep in the midst of all the fun. I will remember to eat my vegetables. I will not, under any circumstances, think about that.

Know what?!

So I was visiting the children who call me "auntie" yesterday (and their parents) and they have a new game. Imagine it: the boy and the girl, my favourite children in the world, sitting around the table. The boy looks at me and says "Auntie know what?!" mischief gleaming in his eyes. "What?" I say. "Love you!!" he says with laughter in his voice. And then from the girl, the same thing... we traded "love you's" all around the tabel like that.

There's nothing like the unconditional love of kids. And their unfailing willingness to let you in on it. For kids, love is never a secret; it's always a thing to be shared and enjoyed and laughed about and smiled at.

I love that. And I needed it.

part of my questionable charm

There are times when I know my timing is just plain awful. When I say the wrong thing. When I interrupt a train of thought (sometimes even my own). When I spoil the mood. When I open up a whole can of worms when the worms should really have been left alone (at least in that moment).

If I have ever done this to you, I apologize. It was not my intention. If I interrupt, it is often because I am distracted and caught up in my own brain (not a good excuse I know but just the same). If I asked the wrong question, it is usually only out of concern. If I overstep my bounds… know that it is likely that I am feeling close to you and think we are beyond boundaries. (and because I sometimes forget I have any). If my timing is unbelievably bad... know that I am sorry....and sometimes a little dumb.

anonymous tip

I wrote a fridge poem about you last night. My mind was hazy after a day too draining. And the only thing that brought a smile to my face was you. Your voice, your eyes, the thought of your hands. I know, it's weird to tell you that here, in this place you may never come, but I'm only feeling this brave... not very brave at all.

reading into

I try to look into those words, like peering into a fishbowl, distorted by distance like the fish are distorted by the glass.

I try to look under them, like lifting the sheet to peek under a bed. Everything there is hidden among dustbunnies in the shadows.

I look between them, like searching a crowd for a specific person who keeps moving through and getting lost among the like-coloured hats and taller people.

I look for meaning there. Analysis reading, like in a high school lit. class.

I see meaning there. But I often wonder if it is only my perception that finds it; if it is all an illusion after all.

Two things.

One: It's funny how such a short period of time can result in such a drastic change in mood (or maybe my bipolar disorder is acting up)

Two: I love when the desperate need for a hug is answered by an unexpected person. (I actually was very close to calling my nearest friend to ask if I could come over for that hug, but I think I'm ok now. So you're off the hook - which is good 'cause I'm pretty sure you would have thought that was weird)

And now.... I go home.... to wear flannel and try to recapture the mood previous to the past 5 hours.

OK...maybe three things...

Three: There's GOTTA be a better way to fundraise than that.

smile-on-face, song-in-heart kind of a day

I had a really good day yesterday. Quite a fabulous one actually. Some new experiences, some comfortable ones, a brisk walk in the cold, hanging out warm by a fire... it was great. If you ask me to point to the why, I probably won't be able to - it's not one specific thing that made it such a fine-and-fun-filled kind of a day. And I just wanted to ackowledge that. For some reason it seemed important to be outwardly grateful for that day.

So to all who had a hand in my day yesterday - thanks for being there, thanks for whatever accumulation of things resulted in this feeling of gratitude. I am more appreciative than you know.