before sunrise...

Well now that's something I haven't seen in awhile. I drove to work today in the dark. A combination of insomnia, illness and necessity caused me to awaken at a very unusual hour for me... and here I am alone at work with the sun coming up outside. The sky all pink fading to blue. Strangely I think I like it here at this time of day.

Or maybe it's just the solitude.

The other day I wrote a post about how I've been feeling lately and when I tried to post it it disappeared into the ether and I have no idea why. I tried to take it as a sign. Maybe that simple act of writing and having it disappear was a way of purging those feelings, those thoughts.

It doesn't seem to have worked.

I'm not sure I have it in me anymore to write about it.

But I really think I'm losing this battle.

beloved

"...no need to think on it
'cause plans change
and when life isn't like that
bury me with those constant plans."

There are days when how much I love him is indescribable.
There are moments when only his words change my mindset.
There are times when he is more important to me than anything else in the world.
There are answers that sometimes only he can come up with.

I miss him more than I am able to put into words.