On the East Coast, "hodge podge" is a much anticipated traditional summer soup made with all the first vegetables of the season...in the dictionary it means a mixture or medley. This is my hodge podge of thoughts, musings and inklings: Set at the seaside because I do all my best musing where I can hear the waves.
I am very lucky.
Today I stand, smiling up into the sunshine. And although I know it does not shine for me (not for me alone) I am beyond grateful to be touched by the warmth of it. Sometimes just to be touched by it is enough.
Remember when you were a kid, how if you wanted something to come more quickly, you'd try really hard to go to sleep because time seemed to pass more quickly if you were asleep? Like on long drives when you just wanted to get there. Or the day before Christmas (no wonder you couldn't sleep on Christmas Eve.)
I wonder why I feel this way. Why I have this extreme feeling that I'm out of the loop on something . Why do I suddenly think I missed something important and now have been left behind. Like I had a test that I not only didn't study for but didn't show up for and now I'm a unit behind. And I don't understand how everyone else is on the same page when I can't figure out what book they're reading.
I am having one of those days. I am so looking forward to what happens next that I am having a very difficult time staying in the present. And I have a shitload of work to do in my present, in order to be completely available for what happens next. I am stuck in between the dreamy, smiling anticipation and the frustration of overwhelming workload.
Had a post planned about something that happened that surprised me. Something that kind of hurt. But I don't think I care enough to write about it. And I'm not sure if that's good or bad. The steam has dissipated. All that's left is a weary acceptance. And for someone whose emotions tend to be a bit on the fiery side, weary never feels quite right.
