No more room

I have run out of worry space. Or maybe run out of worry energy. That one thing has overloaded the circuits and I have no more to give it. For now it will be put aside (put away) and I'll see what happens on another day. Please don't misunderstand - this is actually a good thing. Because the other worry bits,while stressful and seemingly constant, are not nearly as overwhelming as that one thing was - emotionally. I can handle my life without that bit. That bit has been too confusing for too long... and I can live without it.

Reasons I love my job...

fabulous, funny, flamboyant folks (this really deserves several lines)
lobby music
the shows
the festival
the parties
crushes
incredibly elastic schedule
margaritas on Friday afternoons
beer o'clock
free Greek food from next door
Yianni's coffee
my fantastic volunteers
I can wear my PJs to work if I want....or a feather boa and a ball gown.

sometimes I forget

In spite of the fact that I truly don't think asking for help is a sign of weakness....sometimes I forget which people how many are there to ask. I am reluctant to go in a certain direction although what I've always found there is a constant embrace. I forget their love periodically or perhaps I place limits there where there are none. It's a shame really because at times these are exactly what and who I need. In their longevity they've become less immediate. I need to remember that they are there, as they have been for a very long time. And they understand, as they always have.

Ask and ye shall receive.

instinctual knowledge

I want someone to know. Just to know. What I need, when I need it. I want someone to realize that silence is never the right answer to that statement I just made; that the blank stare just doesn't cut it; that sometimes to trade your troubles makes them less troublesome for each of you it's a funny kind of math where adding things together actually makes them less and not more....

Does that ever happen anymore? I seem to remember a time or two in life when I had a someone who knew, just knew. And not always a lover though sometimes... but always a friend.

I know that one such person is still out there but she lives far away on a tropical island and I wish the instinct would transfer to a psychic link but it only seems to work out that way once in awhile...

And please don't get me wrong. I have fabulous friends here too. It's just that today I feel strangely misunderstood.

i don't know why

Wishing for silence, for solace. Craving arms around me, asking no questions. Or maybe just an old flannel quilt and some time to be enveloped in it. I feel the overwhelming need for a good cry but the reasons seem abstract and undefinable. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed. period. I want a day to not think, not do, not work, maybe even not speak....

Or maybe I need an afternoon to sit on a real beach and be hypnotized by the waves. The one rhythm that always makes sense. And makes sense of things nonsensical.

no words today

I feel like I should write something. It's been awhile. But I've been busy and my brain feels tired and I'm not sure I have anything to say. Sorry.