In the blink of an eye....

Tomorrow I go on vacation. A two week trip home but away from here (which is now home really).

I am a bit melancholy for the things and events (and people, and person) that I will miss while I'm gone. In this moment the timing seems off, like some things are too new to leave so soon and some people have been too long absent to leave without seeing them.

But I can't think about that now, I have to pack and finish up my work here in my beloved theatre (which is rapidly emptying of all evidence of the madness of the last little while, as a concrete reminder echoing this ending I hope is not completely an ending). I have to buy a dress for the wedding I am happily anticipating even through this wistful wish to be two places at once.

But I know that in the blink of an eye I will be back here. Vacations are never long enough except when they are too long. And when I am back here we will all pick up where we left off and go camping and listen to music and do all the summertime things we've been planning during the cold.

And when I am back the mystery of what this is, where it is going may be solved. (maybe, if it's anything at all?) But I'll miss him just the same and either way. And I can't help but wonder if he'll miss me too.

Two fifths

Have you ever had someone play for you? Play the music you love, your very own set list? Even in a crowded bar (although you may be the only one listening)you know that they play for you.

I had that tonight, from two of the five members of my favorite band to ever grace a stage. My very own show. It was exactly what I needed on this night when I disappeared, with the overwhelming need to be "alone." And yet I found my way to them as I have a hundred times before in some combination or another. In one way or another.

They are home to me. These songs. Those players. That music.

Maybe this is a better explanation than I've ever given to why I love them so much, why I never tire of them. Maybe this is what I should say the next time someone (inevitably) asks.

I know you

Look at you. I am overwhelmed by this feeling of recognition. There you are - a kindred spirit, a soul mate. Did you really just say that? Did you really just have that same odd idea I once had? One so silly that I'd have never thought anyone else would say it. But you say it - the same thing, with the same level of amusement ( people think we're strange you know, when we say such things ). But it all seems so simple and clear in that moment. And I smile.

There you are.

Happiness is....

...arriving back in the theatre from running errands and finding that the thing you'd been most dreading doing has already been done. My eternal thanks to my darling assortment of tech types. As always, you rock!

And all it took was a pan of lasagna!

Flying away

I go home on Saturday. Back to the Maritimes, to my ocean. Normally I have this build-up of excitement whenever I have a trip back East planned but this time I've been so busy that I haven't had the chance to be conscious of the fact that I'm going. And at a time of year when dipping my toes in the ocean won't be painful (or less painful anyway)!

And now I just feel a bit rushed about it all. I haven't seen many of my friends for the last few weeks and the fact that it will likely be after I get back before I can see them makes me a bit sad.

.....

But now I am listening to appropriate music ( a little deedle-ly dee is good for the soul) and I just got my new flight itinerary and suddenly it all seems real and yay! This time next week there will be some dancing at the Lower Deck and the salty smell of ocean and the feel of standing on the deck of a boat. Aaaahhh water, I do love the water.

what just happened??

Why is it so quiet? Why has no one cracked a beer yet? Why is there no music? How did my desk get so clean? Where is everybody? Isn't it time to get things going? The first show starts at 5:00...oh....wait... I forgot.

We're done.

sigh.

So this is what withdrawal feels like.

So...what now?

What do you do when the thing you've been focusing every ounce of your energy on is suddenly over? I feel a bit lost and purposeless. And I'm waiting for the sense of accomplishment to kick in but right now all I feel is tired. And perhaps a little wistful. Maybe tomorrow the sun will shine and I will realize what happened. For now, I think sleep is the only thing on the agenda.