Belated Blog Birthday

What does it say that I totally missed the day that this little creative effort turned one year old? (August 17th - for anyone who's interested) I think a real blogger type would have realized and done something celebratory... a whole year - who woulda thought??!

snapshot: legacy

"It’s not him" she growled fiercely at herself. "It’s not possible. It’s not him!"

And even as she tried to convince herself; even as she knew intellectually, that the brown-haired man with the intense eyes walking towards her was not him... she felt herself shaking, felt the panic setting in. It was a feeling both sadly familiar and shockingly immediate. She stared at the man as she walked past him. She was not surprised to find herself holding her breath and fighting the urge to run, or at least cringe out of his reach.

"No. It’s not him" she said to herself finally as she got close enough for absolute confirmation.

She sighed raggedly as she walked on by, wondering if a time would ever come when every man who resembled him did not stop her in her tracks and start alarm bells ringing. Her sigh held both relief and sad resignation as she wondered how long it would be and how far she had to go before she finally felt safe.

what does his mirror say?

I wonder sometimes what he sees when he looks at himself. He is such a strange contradiction some days. So much confidence and stength in certain aspects and yet I'm never sure he sees himself. Not really.

Does he see the man he is?

The way his smile lights up a room. The way he commands attention without saying a word, his presence sometimes palpable just standing there. Can he see that the careless way he wears his clothes creates a more interesting style than any so-called stylist ever could? Does he understand that his intelligence, worn naturally and not condescendingly, is like a magnet - drawing people in, compelling them to engage in conversation sometimes for days on topics varied, or well-worn, or sometimes even pointless?

There in that moment, utterly unself-concious, eyes laughing, smile wide, stance easy and relaxed.... there in that moment... I wish he could see that in the mirror when he looks.

walls

My horoscope today said something about needing to "build walls around my emotional castle".

I'm not sure I want walls. Well, maybe little ones - a picket fence maybe?