Sshhh! It's a secret!

Ha! I did it! I had the BIGGEST secret for almost a whole week and didn't tell anybody!

I really didn't think I'd be able to do it. It just about killed me. Hee hee! (I'm sorry Jess but everytime we talked about it I was dying inside laughing!) And the inexplicably good mood that I had to pretend I wasn't in...gosh...

But SURPRISE! I did it - I didn't spoil the surprise and you should have seen the looks on your faces!

As Mr. Collins kept reminding me - deception is our friend! I actually can keep a secret!

NOTE: I actually wrote this the day before the surprise, I wanted so much to tell someone and I couldn't so I wrote it down. Then I panicked that I might accidentally post it too early instead of saving it as a draft until the time was right... then I thought, what if Jess goes into my account for some reason to fix something and sees it?!

I almost deleted it... but I had to confess somewhere and this was the only place I could until now.

now if I could just figure out how to get the other two here....

spit it out...

On most normal occasions I suffer from a certain lack of subtlety. That may be an understatement of some order of magnitude. In fact, there's not a subtle bone in my body; discretion - not my strong suit.

And yet, apparently on certain occasions the only way I'll ever get the point across is to blurt it out with no pretense or censor of any kind. In simple words - with few syllables. Maybe then I could figure things out a little faster, with less emotional investment.

Maybe I need to learn to ask the right questions... at the right time. I am unsure what odd combination of traits renders me so indirect in one way and yet so ..um...blatant... in others.

well, that sucks

Sometimes I amaze even myself when I realize to what lengths I will unwittingly go in the name of self-flagellation.

sigh

Momentary hibernation

Sometimes I stay in homes that are not mine. I don't break in. I house sit, dog sit, fish and plant sit. But I often feel removed from things when I live, even temporarily, outside my normal routine. (although I'm not sure I've had a normal routine since May but anyway). I am merely blocks from my (new) apartment - even less distance from work - but in a way I feel miles from home. Isolated. Hiding? Not as much - sometimes when I'm here I actually talk to people more, see them a bit more often, I host dinner parties and renew those cyber-ties that I lose when I'm without a computer, or at least a computer with a chat function.

But this morning afternoon I am firmly ensconced in this, the home of the most varied and fabulous music collection around. Planted here, in front of the computer, because somehow you knew I'd be here and you've shown your face for the first time in a long long while. You have no idea how much I miss you when you're gone. Especially this week with our tangible link broken and unexpectedly faced with another reminder of that time.

I can't stay long, I have things to do, plans that get in the way.

But I'll be back. Maybe we can talk again later. You can tell me how the tent thing went. I can make mail-related promises. It'll be like old times. As always.

peace, beloved.