insight

Every once in awhile it amazes me how well he knows me...

the men in my life (part 1)

There are days when I even love his ability to annoy the shit out of me.

Is that weird?

I guess I really am a sucker for the "loveable asshole". Not that this one is "loveable asshole" all of the time, or even most of the time... because really - we already have the gold standard for that personality in our wee group of compatriots... even if he is kinda far away these days. (there can be no comparison)

But my point is that even when he moves me to an exasperated "aaargh" complete with an eye roll and possibly the desire to punch him... I can't help but smile - at least on the inside. He's just that kind of guy.

NOTE: I initially thought this might be the beginning of a series because I've been thinking about the men in my life alot lately. In spite of being single (or maybe because of it?), I have some fantastic men in my life: friends, coworkers etc. But I'm suddenly feeling shy about waxing poetic about them, so if I never write another one... it's really because most of them don't accept compliments very well...

in retrospect

His voice is strident, over-the-top, too much, too loud. Asking too many unanswerable questions too quickly. He doesn't wait for my answers anyway, but presses onward in his rambling thoughts. I cower a bit as he speaks, my eyes wide, blinking, unable to respond quickly enough. All I want to do is back slowly away, step by step... out of his reach, out of range of his voice. My resentment builds as he speaks unendingly. Was that an accusation? I cringe when I answer the phone and it is his large voice barking at me.

Cringing and cowering. Not a place I like to be. But a sadly familiar place nonetheless.

I know this is not his doing, not a deliberate thing, but that doesn't change the feeling of being overpowered, overwhelmed, ill-prepared.

I'm thinking I should never have agreed to this.

There's definitely something wrong...

Last night I took the Northern Lights for granted. In my rush from here to there and then there I stopped for only the briefest moment to watch, lamenting that my new apartment is too close to the lights of downtown to really get a feel for the dancing lights up there, wishing I had time to drive to the outskirts of town to sit and look for a spell.

But then I was in the car whizzing here to pick up that and then to the store and then...

And then I forgot to look up again. I forgot until much, much later and by then those rare and beautiful dancing lights had said goodnight.

I forgot to look up again. And I missed them.

I sang today...

....On a recording for a play. Of a hymn. We were supposed to sound like a church congregation so it was ok if it wasn't perfect. But it was public, in front of people, type singing with a bunch of my coworkers, some of whom are trained and/or professional singers.

It was strangely fun.

note: this is really just a follow-up tidbit given the post few days ago about singing...or not singing I guess