in retrospect

His voice is strident, over-the-top, too much, too loud. Asking too many unanswerable questions too quickly. He doesn't wait for my answers anyway, but presses onward in his rambling thoughts. I cower a bit as he speaks, my eyes wide, blinking, unable to respond quickly enough. All I want to do is back slowly away, step by step... out of his reach, out of range of his voice. My resentment builds as he speaks unendingly. Was that an accusation? I cringe when I answer the phone and it is his large voice barking at me.

Cringing and cowering. Not a place I like to be. But a sadly familiar place nonetheless.

I know this is not his doing, not a deliberate thing, but that doesn't change the feeling of being overpowered, overwhelmed, ill-prepared.

I'm thinking I should never have agreed to this.