a very telling conversation

Today I discussed something with my mother I thought I would never consider. I discussed it with serious consideration, even covering some of the practicalities and it was unlike other times when this came up; other times it pushed me towards the realization that I, in fact, did not want to do the thing we were discussing. This time around the idea became this odd reassurance - almost a blanket to wrap myself in.

This is the biggest indication I've had thus far that something is very wrong.