snapshot: Futility

As she lights a cigarette, blowing out the first inhalation with almost violent aggression, she wonders "Did I say the one wrong thing or did I say one thing wrong? Because it's not the same thing you know. If I said the one wrong thing, the worst possible thing, that one thing that caused this: This sudden departure, this strange alienation I didn't see coming. If I said that one wrong thing maybe there's a way out of this. Maybe I can take back that one thing, say I didn't mean it?"

She shakes her head. Stilling her thoughts with the rythm of the inhale and exhale. For a moment she looks down at the pavement under her painted toenails in defeat. She sighs. "But if I just said something wrong, if it just came out wrong, sounded wrong...maybe he's just being unreasonable. Everybody makes mistakes. No one is full of absolute truths and witticisms always. except him apparently. If he weren't so darn picky... if I could just go back and explain what I really meant to say... but no.

That wouldn't work either. I said it, whatever it was, and I can't take it back. I can't unsay it. "

She sighs again, her thoughts spinning into circles of abstractions as she stares at the horizon and continues to inhale.