I no longer know...

...what I want this to be.

I'm feeling a bit of ambivalence towards this blog. I'm not sure if it's still something I enjoy. Or maybe I just lost it's purpose. I know I don't write nearly as much in all the many other formats I used to. But I know that I still hold back here, knowing who reads this, and who doesn't but may. So some thoughts and emotions have lost their place and become homeless where they used to find shelter on paper, in stories, in Mead 5 Star notebooks or journals with an ocean theme. And I want those things to have a home again. So I will be writing more on paper - and maybe a bit less here.(I'm a bit old fashioned after all)

Part of me wants to be more matter-of-fact like that post a few days ago about noteworthy music-related things that are coming up. But that scares me a bit because it identifies me, perhaps a bit more than I'd like to be known. Part of me wishes I could continue with the more poetic, romantic, perhaps ethereal, perhaps vague posts which reveal what I'm feeling - maybe too much for some people, maybe too little for me. Part of me needs to write about some of the bigger things, the things that have molded my life, things I have learned to talk about easily, some might say flippantly, but which have much more gravity than I make it seem. Some of these things still haunt me and perhaps a public flogging would purge that fear once and for all?

Maybe I just wish I could write songs like so many of the unbelievably talented people I know.

I just don't know - so if the blog seems to have a touch of multiple personality disorder over the next while or if I lapse into moments of silence... just bear with me. I'll figure it out.