changes

Part of me already misses you but perhaps I'm being unfair.

Maybe I simply crave what you have and I am resentful of that in my aloneness that now feels so solid and unyielding. Maybe what I actually miss is the ease with which I assumed... I assumed that you'd be there, available and waiting if I need you, as you have been up until now; assumed a level of importance that has changed with the priorities that have so obviously changed; assumed that promises made would be promises kept and not just if they fit in the schedule of bigger promises. But I had not anticipated the feeling of being pushed out of things. I had not anticipated your disappearance, the diminishment of the communication that had once been frequent, easy and always enjoyable. I had not anticipated this.

I almost miss you already, but I really hope it's only temporary, that things will settle out and a new rhythm established that once again feels right. I hope we find our way back to that easy communication. I have hope for this because it's happened in such a wonderful way before in my life (for which I am eternally grateful). And as he would say: "the world spins".