On being far from home...

Homesickness decends at the oddest of moments but a few are very clear and obvious. There are moments you need to be home; moments and events that are difficult to miss. Holidays, weddings, birthdays, births, bridal and baby showers... all of these make me wish I could blink myself back there in an instant. But I gave up those moments. I can't go back for every happy occasion - I mostly hit the holidays in winter, doing all of my familial bonding in one fell Christmastime swoop.

But the most difficult are these moments. Times of trouble. When people there that I love very much are sad, and having a tough time. When I wish I could be there for them, but also for me - because I too, am sad. And when I am sad, all I want is the warmth of those embraces and the sound of the waves crashing. These are the times when my desicion to live this far away makes me the most regretful... guilty almost. Illness and death; funerals... those are the hardest moments to be here, away from them all. I would give anything to be there right now. I'm terribly sorry I can not.