My communication skills (by way of explanation)

I prefer face to face communication. I am best when I can see a person's face, decipher the nuance behind their words, when I can lay my hand on their arm or give spontaneous hugs. When I can try to "read" what they're saying, feel it as much as hear it. I enjoy it as much for the comfortable silences as for the words that are exchanged. I sometimes have trouble staying close without at least a little of this thrown in... I've lost people who are far away and I regret it.

I am good at email. I'm a bit of a cyber junkie and for the most part I can keep up this type of communication with reasonable consistency. But typed words are often cold, with no context, no nuance, no room for sarcasm or winking asides... sometimes they work, if I know the person well, if we intersperse our e-talk with real speech and frequent face time.

But online communication can feel strange and strained and I often feel like I am repeating myself: "what's new?" "not much" .... what more to say? It feels inadequate. Can I really say the important words in a quick email? Sometimes, it would seem, I can not. There is too much to say and somehow, not enough keys on the keyboard.

I need to linger with you over a cup of tea, curled on the livingroom floor in our pjs. Or over a pint in that pub we frequented, back in the day. Or sitting on the rocks, watching the waves wash in and out. Or atop the ferry, wind in our hair. Or driving along on our way...somewhere or another...sometimes the best talks take place in a moving vehicle.

I prefer the phone to cyberspace. I enjoy the warmth of a voice on the other end, the response of a laugh or a sigh. It is difficult now, in this world of cell phones to keep in touch with the far away ones this way... I can't afford it, the money, the time.... that's a statement I regret and that I don't enjoy but it's true enough. And I hate it.

I am terrible at letters, cards, packages, presents on time. I have the best of intentions. But these are often the most neglected form of all. Often, with this new life, it is a budgetary consideration although I know extravagance is not necessary. And I appreciate those I receive more than I can say.

I wish I was better at all of these things. I wish I could magically see all of the people who I truly do miss. I wish there was not a continent and an ocean between us. I wish for a private plane, or a pirate ship to take me to them... or to kidnap them and bring them here. (Or I wish simply for the ability to go visit more often) Because I hate to lose people.

No matter how much distance lies between us, how much time since last we spoke... please know that I think of you often and with a smile. And that I miss you.