unusually unsocial

Sometimes all I want is to be there. All I need is to listen. All I want is the music (and maybe a beer) And so I don't stay home, even though my mood ( and level of exhaustion) dictates that maybe I should have.

But sometimes on those occasions, the banter, usually welcome and wonderful, becomes overwhelming; the smile and wink, usually contagious, becomes torturous; the "what's wrong" looks too much to bear. And there, in that place, there is another pointed reminder that sometimes (still) makes me sad.

But I don't put on a brave face for you. Because with you I am free to be me.... even uncharacteristically silent me. I'm sorry if that was impolite, or worrisome. That was not my intention. And although I left without the normal ritual, I was not angry. It's just that in that moment a hug would have pushed me to tears and I wanted to save those for a less public forum.