I'm feeling all sorts of contradictions

I want to find a rock to crawl under (sit on top of). I want to be where there is silence (waves crashing). I want to be alone (in your arms). I want to be happier (wallow in the sadness). I want to let you know how much I adore you (but act like I don't). I want to be loved (but not at this moment). I want to deserve it (but don’t). I'm happy you're here (but wish you'd go away). I want you here (but I'm driving you away). I'm glad that you care (but overwhelmed by any attention).

I wish it all made sense (but I feel a strange need for the confusion).